Something seeps in the marrows of my bone, something that isn’t a good feeling. Something that makes my heart do a swoop like a rollercoaster. Something I induced by myself. Something I can’t help doing.
Something just makes my brain whir when processing new information. When connecting one point with another. Something that doesn’t work in my favor. Something that sometimes get me prepared for the contrary, something that might or might not happen. Something that isn’t in my field of control.
Something makes me overthink. Past experience? Fear of being caught off guard? Fear of the unexpected? Dislike for surprises?
No. I think I’m saving my heart from whatever it is. I think I’m just saving the future from frets but instead end up making it shrivel like a rotten melon and then expand back into its original fit when things go ok. But on the contrary, is what I’m doing actually saving my heart? Or is it not? Is it just me not ripping off the band-aid and keeping the wound a deep gash that’s never gonna heal, or am I just taking my own time…?